You Must Work at it............

Marriage is so hard. I was talking to a friend this weekend who is not married and he made the comment that he wasn't sure that he wanted to be. I told him it was worth it but mentioned that it was not easy and you had to work at it. I am having to remind myself of that today. I am constantly amazed at how different my husband and I. I love him very much and I know that he loves me but we are on different planets I think sometimes. My husband doesn't need affection and doesn't give it very freely. I on the other hand crave it and need it as a reminder that he loves me. I have come to realize sometimes the things that aren't needs to us we don't concentrate on. I really think that marriage isn't as much about what we need as it is about what the other person needs. Sometimes we have to do things that aren't as comfortable to us or that comes as naturally to us just because our spouse needs it. Men and women are wired so differently that I sometimes wonder why God made us that way. It seems like my girlfriends get me much better then my husband does. I really don't know what I want to say in this post other then that it is important that you learn each others love language and that you make a consious effort to incorporate their love language into your actions as well. We all show love and recieve love in different ways. My husband shows me he loves my by doing things around the house-installing new light fixtures and that type of thing BUT I don't see that as a sign of his love I see it as something that needs done. I show him I love him by kissing him and telling him but he sees that as being clingy and gooey. It is amazing how something that we all need so much of can be interperted in so many different ways.

All is quite and calm

I have the day off work tomorrow so I am staying up way later then I normally do. My husband and I are sitting on the couch while I type this and although we are not speaking i am really enjoying this together time with him just being alone in his prescence with no children right now is so refreshing. There is something about the quietness of night time that is really relaxing to me. My sister in law is undergoing Thyroid Cancer treatment and had to start her Radiation today and can't be around anyone for 48 hours and then she has to stay 6 ft apart from everyone for the next week. She is having a hard time so keep her in her prayers. i told her some people would change spots w/ her in a minute just to have life slow down for a moment and to get some peace and quiet. Isnt it sad how we can allow the little things in life to build up and drive us so crazy that we would trade places with someone with cancer just to have things slow down, just for the opportunity to not have anyone needing anything from you. To go to a place where noone has any expectations of you. We have got to learn to seek God and find peace in him. We have to take our issues to him before things get so out of hand. We have to remember that he is there for us and wants us to have peace but we must ask for it.

I get so stressed out at times and have to admit I have hoped i would get sick before, nothing serious just a cold just for the opportunity to be lazy and stay in bed. Why is it that we put so much pressure on ourselves that we won't relax until something forces us to relax. All of this went through my mind as i read my sister in laws blog and it has really made me think of how important it is to be good to yourself.

Who's in control here?

Today Trey had an orthodontist appointment he is going to get his braces on June 20th it is going to cost almost $5,000. and he has to have Seven teeth pulled in order to get the braces on and I have no idea how much that will cost. I was feeling overwhelmed tonight trying to figure out how to get to Conners Cardiologist appointments, Treys ortho appointments all the parent appointments for the different camps that Trey is going to this summer and concentrate on work when...all of a sudden I heard Conner screaming outside. I ran out there and Conner was laying on the ground with blood all over his face, he had tripped and hit the basket ball goal teeth first. He had the black basketball pole all over his teeth and the fall pushed two of his permanent teeth back and made them loose. We called the dentist who advised us to rush him to her office (for an emergency charge of course) She discovered it did push his teeth back and said that sometimes they will fix on thier own and sometimes they don't ( I thought of all the pictures that would be taken in the next few years) She mentioned he would be a candidate for braces and it would be fixed then-in a three or so years-until then deal with it I guess. While there she noticed an unusual bump in his mouth which was concerning to her so I have to take him back tomorrow which means more time off work. I often think how easy things would be if I didn't have to work and I truly believe that God didn't intend for women to work and be wifes and moms. I was starting to get really stressed out tonight worrying about the financial part of things as well as how much work will have to be missed to make all of this stuff fall into place-not to mention how sore Trey will be after having SEVEN teeth pulled. When all of a sudden I remembered that I am not in charge. GOD is in charge and he knows how all of this is going to work out and so I need to just relax and go along for the ride. I am blogging this so that when I get stressed out telling my boss I have to leave work early tomorrow I can just read this, breathe deep and remember that God is in charge and lean not on my own understanding....

God bless

Hand over the myrhh

Did you know that myrhh used to be used for stretch marks, athletes foot, bad breath, canker sores, chapped skin and to embalm bodies. Jesus was given Myrhh when he was born and he was taunted by myrhh upon the cross. We talked in class today how although bitter it carried healing qualities. Myrhh annoits the old us for burial that is what God wants to do he wants to bury the old and he wants that part dead. It can be be scary to part with the old but we have to trust God that he loves us enough to heal us no matter how scary it can be to put that trust in him. Natalie our wonderful SS school teacher mentioned how so many people run to alcohol, drugs, shopping or even run to food like myself when the going gets tough. Why is it so easy to run to these things and NOT run to our creator. I run to food but food has never promised to heal me, be there for me, make my dreams come true in fact it is the opposite food has promised to falsley satisfy me falsley make me feel better when it fact it harms me more times then not. God on the other hand already knows me better than anyone else, knows how many hairs on my head, knows how badly I want to run to food when the going gets tough. God has promised to deliver me from my additions and bad habits. God wants to see me fulfilled and happy all he is waiting for is for me to ask him. Why is it so hard to go to God? I think sometimes it is because you didn't have something as a child...maybe in my case a good relationship with my father, maybe it is because you think it is to good to be true? Natalie encouraged all of us to go to him today to ask him to bury the old us and annoint the new us. I am going to try to remember to go to God instead of the wordly things that I so often run to...

Just a thought..ps..check out www.landjphotography.blogspot.com we took pictures of Natalie and Phil Wilson this weekend and they turned out great.

Joel Osteen

I went to see Joel Osteen last night. It was fantastic. He talked alot about not limiting God and how we need to learn to SPEAK in a positive way. He talked alot about the power of speech. God knows I know HOW to talk but I am going to start really saying positive things such as...WE will SUCCEED with our photography business, I will overcome my battle against my weight, I am going to have the wonderful marriage God wants me to have. I realize how many times that I speak in a negative tone-God wants to bless us with everything but we limit him and what we think that he can do. From now on when the kids are getting on my last nerve I am going to Thank-God that I have kids that can get on my nerves. When my husband leaves his undwear on the floor instead of cringing I am going to thank God that I have someone to leave underwear around the house. I am going to change my way of thinking and SPEAKING and I know I am going to be very blessed because of it.

God Bless...

Stop Getting Older

Tonight was parent orientation for the middle school that Trey will go to. Yep...Middle School. I can't believe how grown up he is. When I walked the halls with him tonight I was so proud. He is so friendly and easy going and has so many friends that I know he is going to fit right in. He just looked like he belonged there. I can't believe that this is his last year at his elementary school. I think of all the times that I have just wanted to be left alone and know that time is coming but it won't be on my terms it will be on his. We stopped at the grocery store afterwards and I walked up to the counter and then a little bit later he walked up and put some milk up there. The woman asked if it was together or seperate. I answered that it was together and she mentioned that she hadn't been sure because he came up after me, I jokingly stated that was because he was at the age where it was no longer cool to be hanging around your mom but then I realized that probably was the truth...my little boy is all grown up. I am going with him to Chicago in 2.5 weeks for a fifth grade field trip. I am going to savor every moment of the time that we get to spend together and hope that somewhere among the 50 other people going with us and the 3 other boys that I am responsible for that we are able to bond a little and make life long memories. You can bet I will get some good pictures to post.. I see a slide show coming on soon.

Mothers Day

What a beautiful day God gave us today. The weather was perfect. Sunday school was magnificent as we sang old hyms and really praised God for forgiving us for our sin and taking our sin upon the cross. My oldest son made me a sweet valentines day card, my youngest son gave me a fabulous hug and my husband bought me a new digital camera to pursue my photography career. (I had to buy it but he encouraged me to hit the buy button) I swear I sat at the computer for three hours trying to decide if I was going to buy it or not. I have a really hard time buying things for myself. It was only when my oldest acted like he was going to bump in to me to force me to hit the buy button that I decided what the heck and did it. I can't wait to get it. We did a photo shoot yesterday and once we have permission to publish thier pictures we will get those on the L and J Photography blog spot. Check out our blog as I added some pictures from last summer tonight.

I have been working on a musical DVD of pictures for my mom and mother in law. It was a very emotional time as I wept as I looked through them. I miss my grandfather and my grandmother that have passed away so much but I also miss the person I use to be. I use to be so carefree and happy. I didn't realize how many pictures I use to take of myself with the boys. I haven't allowed my picture to be taken in the last 7 years and I realize what a disservice that is to my children. When I am gone they won't have any pictures to look at. I really want to be carefree again. I want to stop being the uptight person that I have become. I am going to CLAIM that for my life. I am going to CLAIM to be a beautiful, heathly happy mother, wife and daughter of the King. I am going to start saying positive things instead of negative things. I am going to CLAIM victory over the person that I could be if I refuse to change. I am going to enjoy my children, my husband. I am going to let the laundrey go. I am going to let the kids rough house inside ( As long as no blood is drawn) I am going to play with my kids instead of watching from the sidelines.

Watch out world.....Here I come.