Dr. Appt

We went to the Pediatric Dermotogist today. I had emailed several people this morning and asked them to pray and I was sitting in the waiting room and there was such a peace that came over me-I have only had that feeling a few times when I knew for sure that people were praying for something specific for me. I hate that trials that we have to go thru to get that peace yet the peace is undescribable. The derm. said that the spot definately needs to be removed on his head. She has referred us to a plastic surgeon that we will see on July 31st. She said that she is pretty confident that the spot is not cancer but that it needs to be removed due to the fact that it will continue to grow and will get thicker and there is more of chance of skin cancer due to his having this spot. As much as I hate that he is going to have to have surgery-they will litterally pull his skin away from his scalp and cut the bad skin out and then stitch it back together it is still much better than having Cancer. So many thoughts went thru my head today while we were at Vanderbilt. There is so much pain there and I couldn't help but feel like I really wanted to be able to make a difference there. When I was growing up I always said I was going to be a nurse in a pediatric unit and then somewhere in high school I forgot those dreams and they came back after getting married and having my first child but I never pursued it. I hate that I have never followed those dreams. I also hurt so badly for all of those parents that have kids sufferring in Vanderbilt. I can't imagine what they must be going thru. I also had the realization that I don't feel like I am a good enough person for God to answer my prayers-I sometimes think that if the "good" people pray for me there is more of a chance of God answering the prayer-kind of as if I think they have more influence with God then I do. I do know that it is not true but it does make me want to be a better Christian at the same time. This day has been full of many emotions today...I am not sure I can even blog them all but I thought I would try.

God Bless.

Practicing what I preach

I am having a hard time practicing what I preach lately. Tyler was born with a birthmark/mole on his head a little larger than a quarter. Our pediatrician referred us to a dermotologist that we saw this week. The dermotologist took a look at his head and said how unusual looking his birthmark was and how large it was. She said that she doesn't treat to many pediatric cases and referred us to Vanderbilt to a dermotologist there. She said that his spot is called Congenital Nevus and that only 1% of all infants are born with this and that it is even more uncommon to have it on the head where Tyler has it. She said that they might want to biopsy it and perhaps surgically remove it due to the fact that it can be associated with skin cancer and in order to do this they would have to cut it out it wouldn't be able to be lasered due to they have to be able to get all of the cells. Keep in mind she doesn't know they are going to do any of these things but the fact that she mentioned them made me nervous. I have researched it on the internet and it can be attributed to skin cancer after puberty and a few infants are born with these moles that are melanoma but that looks to be the rare case. My mind is going crazy wondering what if it is cancer, what if they have to operate what if it continues to grow... I was making my self sick looking up every type of word associated with this condition that I could find on the internet. I was imaging every worse case senerio when a friend of mine told me that it was ok to worry as he is my flesh and blood but that I have to have faith and that I have to remember that words such as rare, unusual and uncommon are all words that can be associated with greatness. So that is how I am trying to see this situation now...Tyler is great and one of a kind and will do great things. Funny how our mind can go crazy on us. We go to the dermotologist on Wed so please keep us in your prayers.

One month ago today

One month ago today I was holding sweet Tyler in my arms for the first time. It doesn't seem like a month ago that my Dr. told me to show up at the hospital to be induced just to find out that this wiggle worm had turned in the last week and I had to have a c-section. I was so scared to be cut but I prayed and minutes later I felt a peace come over me. I am sure there were some strong drugs involved as well but I also know that I asked for comfort and received it. All of my boys are very special to me and it is funny to think that when I had Trey I never thought I could love another child as much. God has allowed my heart to grow wide open to embrace all of my boys that he has blessed me with. I think they are all very special but there is something very special about the way that Tyler has changed our family. I think alot of it is because we are all older and wiser. I know that Mike and I appreciate every little thing about Tyler more and that we have more patience with him then we have the other boys. It has been so fun to share my pregnancy with them especially Conner who took an immediate interest. Trey and Conner are so sweet to Tyler and we have so much fun playing with him and making fun of the funny faces that he makes. God's timing couldn't have been better either since I have been able to stay home with them all this summer and will cherish this time with the three of them forever. This has been a dream come true being a stay at home mom with them this summer. I have so enjoyed spending time with them and getting my house clean and having dinner ready when Mike walked in the door. I feel so much more relaxed and in the moment then I do when I am working and always thinking of everything else that needs to be done. God has blessed our family in so many ways with the birth of Tyler one month ago today and I am so grateful. I love my boys...