Rambling

It is 11 oclock at night and we are somewhere in MO driving down interstate 70. You have to love the beauty of technology that is allowing me to blog while driving down the road. What a week this has been. I am so ready to be home in my own bed and not living out of a suitcase. It was extremely hard on Mike to leave his mother and head back to KS. She has no family living in KS anymore and it broke his heart to leave her. I have learned so much about myself this week. I have such a tendancy to run when things get tough. I told Mike that I can't imagine loosing him the way that his mother lost his father-we were all literally sitting there watching him take breathe after breathe wondering if it would be the last one and then finally it was-I can't get the picture of him dying out of my head and I can't imagine what Mike and his mother and sister must be feeling watching on of thier own blood literally pass away before there very eyes. Mike had asked me at one time if I should go get the boys and let them be in the room. I said no and I am so glad that I did as I can't get it out of my mind I don't know how they would deal with it. What a horrible thing to have to witness. I don't want to imagine having to go thru that with Mike or one of my parents. Then I think of my father that I have no relationship with but I don't want him to have to dye alone after all he gave me life-who will sit by his bedside and hold his hand in his dying days? I can't imagine watching my mom take her next breathe either. This weekend has brought up alot of feelings I had over loosing my grandmother and wondering about who will be the next loved one to die. I am ready to get back into a routine. Mike is really wanting to move back to Lyons and we actually looked at some houses. I am not sure what I would do for a living or what he would do. I don't know if I could live there with him having so much of a past there. Silly that we are grown ups and I still get insecure when I see a girl he dated. I like having him in our own little world where neither of us has a past like that-sick huh?? I would love to move back to be around grandparents and to be able to help them out and for the boys to be around Mikes mom but I just don't know how it all would work. It would have to be a God thing and I told Mike that God can work wonders and if that is in his plan it would all work out better then we thought. I have to laugh as my work gave me a rather large bonus last week that they had forgotten to give me when I was promoted to officer in January. That was a God thing as if they had given it to me in January it would all be gone but by giving it to me last week I was able to provide money for the hotel we stayed in all week, the rental car, we helped Mikes mom pay some bills and we bought cemetary plots for Mikes dad and went ahead and bought one for his mom as well. We would have been able to help them with out the bonus but it would have been a little harder on us financially. I think it is amazing that God provided that money right when we needed it.