So many emotions

We are in the car headed back to TN.I can barely keep from crying. I always find myself so depressed when we leave KS and leave our loved ones. I got to see my brother and his fiance. It was the first time that my brother, my mom, and grandma were all together since moving to TN 14 years ago. It was so good to see my brother. It was also very weird to see him with his soon to be 8 year old step son. Seeing my little brother in the role of father was amazing to me. He is so good with Spencer and just took to my kids. My boys loved him and we all had so much fun together. As we stayed at my grandmother pinkertons house I found myself really missing my grandfather that passed away in 1991. I know he would have loved seeing my sons and would have loved them as much as I do. I have a feeling he would have helped them to get into some trouble as well. He never got to meet Mike either and I think they would have hit it off. As I pulled out of my grandmothers house I couldn't help wondering if it would be the last time we would all be together. It seems as if there has been so much death around us lately that I have learned to not take any time with family for granted. We headed over to my grandfather kaspareks house. My grandmother kasparek died one and a half years ago. My grandpa has a girlfriend. I am very happy for him and glad that he is not lonely but it was very hard seeing her in the role of my grandmother and in my grandmothers house. When she was holding Tyler I had to keep biting my lip to keep from crying as I wish it was my grandmother holding him. My grandma never got to meet Tyler. We then headed to Lyons and stayed with Mikes mom. I kept expecting Mikes dad to come home and one time even thought I saw him out of the corner of my eye. The coolest story came out this weekend. Mike was cleaning out his dads truck and found a cooler in the back of it. He opened it up and there were two catfish in there swimming around. They were smaller catfish. We were all shocked as there was no food and the top of the water was frozen. Mikes mom called mikes dads friend that had been fishing with him on his last fishing trip and asked about the catfish and this is what we found out: Apparently Orville had caught them and they were to small to keep so he was going to throw them back but then decided to take them to the cemetary and put them in the pond so that the kids that go fishing out there would have more fish to catch. This was the fishing trip where Orvill fell and broke his ribs and bruised his lungs. It was three weeks after this fishing trip before he got so sick he had to be hospitilized and finally died on October 5th. So those fish had been alive in that cooler for about two months...The plot that we bought for Orville when we buried him is very close to the pond at the cemetary so Mike and the boys took the fish out there and let them go. I hope that Orville is happy that his fish finally made it to the fishing hole :) Great story huh?? Mike and I are really considering moving back to KS. It is so hard as we have to figure out the job situation. I actually have a job I can do from home from there if we choose to move back. But there is alot to take into consideration. I am not sure I would miss TN but am not sure Ks is the right choice either. I just pray that God will make it clear what we should do... Well the kids are begging for the computer and to keep the peace I better sign off. This drive took us 16 hours on the way out there so I will do anything I can to help it go faster on the way back...