Anticipation

Where to start? Mikes mom is in town this weekend and we were hoping she would get to watch Conner play three baseball games while here. So far all of them have been rained out but we are hoping the rain stays away for tonight so she can watch him before she leaves tomorrow.

Conner came home with two medals friday. He got one for his grades and the 2nd one was for the best boy athlete in 4th grade. Let me just put the speculation to rest...no he did not get that from me..I know you are shocked but I am not an athlete. I will give credit to his daddy and the Lord for his natural talent in sports. Things come so easy to him in sports that it is sickening to me.

We are getting ready for Tylers 1st birthday party and that is so hard to believe. A year ago I was on bed rest at this time with high blood pressure and now a year later I am celebrating life with Tyler.

I have made a difficult decision. I am going to be participating in an Intensive Out Patient program for people with eating disorders. I went last Monday and they put you through a very thorough three hour session to determine if I had an eating disorder and if so what the best form of treatment would be. They decided that I did ( I had known this since highschool) and that the best treatment would be three hours a night three nights a week. I am going for my first counseling session on Thursday and then they will start integrating me into the outpatient program. I am very nervous as it is going to be hard for me to be away from my family for that long in the evenings. I know I will feel guilty that Mike will be taking care of them by himself after working all day. I hate that I am putting him in that situation but know how important it is for my long term health and am so grateful for his support. I pray that I can work on myself and not worry about the added pressure on him or I am likely to stop going. I already told them I had trouble w/ committment and that the 6-8 week timeline freaked me out. I am nervous that I will be the only bing eater there. We will have a meal together and I picture all the anorexic people there not wanting to eat thier food while I am wanting to lick thier plates clean. They have teamed me up with a trauma counselor that I am grateful for. They think that while they are making me deal with some issues without turning to food it might get a little stressful but they have promised to walk the journey with me. I am thankful that God led me to this point. I know that God will not forsake me and that he will bring me out on the otherside mentally and physically a stronger person. I know God never promised for it to be easy just to not leave us along the way. I am looking forward to Thursday with anticipation.