What a beautiful Monday the Lord has blessed us with today. I have my windows open and am cleaning house while Tyler takes a quick nap. He has to be tired as he learned to walk this weekend and was walking all over this morning. I think he might need a safety helmet before long.
I took Mikes mom to the airport this morning. I must say that God really spoke to me during church yesterday and I finally realized what pressure Mike must have on him being the only son and being so far away from his mother. I know that he feels an incredible pressure to take care of her. She told Mike this trip that they found a lump in her breast and she had it biopsied. She will find out the results on Wednesday. My grandmother just went thru this and it came back fine so I am praying that Mike's mom will recieve the same good news.
I have been binge eating more than normal the last couple days. I think it is because I go for my counseling session on Thursday and then before long will begin the outpaitent rehab program. I think I have a fear that they will take away my food which has been my coping mechanisim for so long. I am just praying that I can turn to the Lord during this time. Funny how I considered food my friend and it helped me thru so many stressful periods when in reality it was harming me. Why is it sometimes easier to turn to food then it is to turn to God? It should be simple and yet it isn't.
Yesterday was an incredible time at church watching the graduates and just listening to the youth paster. I found myself getting teary eyed and told Mike I was quite the sap these days. One thing I love about church is worship. I love how God allows me to sing out loud and praise him and for some reason I am able to beleive that my singing is good during church but after church it is a whole different story. I am thankful that he allows me to be uninhibited during praise. I love it.
I also had another wake up call yesterday. I had a childhood friend that was rather mean to me one time during a sleep away camp. I wet the bed and she nickmnamed me BW for bed wetter and it has stayed with me for a very long time. In fact I had a hard time sending my boys away to sleep away camp for fear of them having someone be ugly to them when I wasn't there to defend them. For all these years I have carried those silly two letters (BW) with me and allowed it to fester deep down inside me. I found out yesterday that this girl had passed away in 2001. It was the strangest feeling to me. For one I am incredibly saddened for her family to have lost her at such a young age. I can't imagine the pain and agony that they went thru and probably continue to go thru. Secondly I can't believe how I allowed that to continue to stay with me and this person isn't even alive any more. That was a really weird realization. God wants to take our hurt away from us if we will just pray for it and I think this taught me an important lesson. I have carried this with me since I was about 12 years old instead of just turning it over to him and letting him carry the burden for me. I also had to think about all the times I was mean to someone when in grade school or school in general-Girls can be so mean and I was no different although I hate to admit that. I hope that noone I was mean to is still carrying it around but the chances are it did affect at least one person in some way. Good lesson learned...
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