As many of you know I went home Friday the 23rd to visit with my grandmother that had been given a month to two months to live. I was terrified to go back as I had left Kansas for many reasons. I was so afraid that my grandmother wasn’t saved and wasn’t sure how to approach it with her. I didn’t know what to say to someone that knew they were dying. I had only been away from my husband and my children one other time and was terrified to leave them. Friday morning I got to the airport at 4:45AM and was crying so hard I couldn’t even self check my luggage. Thank God for the lady at the counter who came around and helped me complete the transaction. I had never been afraid to fly before I had children but have to admit I was terrified to get on the plane and the thought of switching planes in Memphis was overwhelming to me. When the time came to board the plane I knew that God had me in his hands as I got behind the kindest lady. She must have known I was nervous because she made small talk with me-of course I couldn’t talk back for fear of bawling. When we got on the plane she offered me a blanket and helped me find my seat-which was next to another Christian woman on her way to Africa. When the flight ended I leaned over the seat and told the first lady that God had sent her to me today because I was on my way to say goodbye to my grandmother and was having trouble starting the Journey. Later on as I was waiting for my second flight I saw the lady that was going to Africa and she got my attention and said God bless you my child. (Could God have been anymore clear that he was with me?) For whatever reason I refused to lean on God and had a meltdown in the Memphis airport. Let me tell you there is no place to be alone in an airport. I went into every bathroom I could find and everyone was occupied. I called two good friends and told them I couldn’t get on the plane in Memphis that I was going to just stay at the airport, physically I was having a hard time putting one foot in front of the other at this point. There was a man that kept glancing over at me I am sure he wondered what in the world was going on and guess what? He ended up sitting next to me on the plane to KS. POOR MAN. The stewardess on this flight saw me reading Power of a praying wife and she stopped and talked to me for about 10minutes about what a great book and the power of prayer. (keep in mind this was in the aisle in the middle of the flight)
When I got to KS I was terrified to go into the Hopice Hospital, I had never been around someone dying and hated that it was my grandmother going through this. I had prayed before I got to KS that God would give me strength to face my father, that God would make it financially accessible for me to visit w/ my grandmother before her death and to be able to go back for the funeral and that my grandmother would die peacefully when the time came in her sleep. I stepped into the hospital and felt God’s strength once again. I was able to let my Grandmother know I was there and to help ease her pain. Saturday morning she grabbed my grandfather while I was there and told him he needed to prepare and he told her it was ok to let go that their daughter was waiting in heaven and that they would be together forever. I felt God take my hand and I prayed over my grandmother out loud that God could just go ahead and take her, I prayed that she would have the peace of knowing that we would all be ok and that my grandfather would feel God’s strength in my grandmothers passing. (I never thought I would be praying over her for her to die) When I was done my grandmother looked up at me and said Lisa the problem is your grandpa needs to much. I assured her that we would take care of him. Those were the last meaningful words I spoke to her as she fell asleep and she never really regained full consciousness before passing the next morning. Part of me hated to be there and have to go through that but at the same time I am so blessed to witness my Grandfathers unselfless love for my Grandmother that he could let her go so she wouldn’t be in any pain.
God answered all of my prayers, I was there already so I was able to stay longer and not have to pay for another flight back, I have a wonderful job and they allowed me to be gone longer, My grandmother went very peacefully and I got to see a side of my father that I had never seen before. My father is an alcoholic and he had so much regret, seeing him lay over his mother after she had passed gave me some compassion for him that I had not had before. I had let go of the anger towards my father along time ago but now I truly see how broken he is and although I have been praying for him out of duty or respect if you will, NOW, I truly want to pray for him and want to be a support system for him. My cousin that is 5 weeks pregnant was waiting until interstate 70 opened in order to be able to drive from Colorado, it opened shortly after my grandmother died and she was able to make it to the funeral. I had been asking God to make sure she was able to come for the funeral because I know that is important for closure and I wanted her to be able to have that closure. God orchestrated it so that all of us grandkids who are currently scattered all over the United States were able to come back and grieve my grandmothers death together. He had to work some pretty big miracles for some of us to get back there but he did that for our family. After talking to the paster, I found out that my Grandmother was saved and I was able to speak at her funeral and read a poem that I had found that I thought was fitting.
I was able to reconnect with some family members that I had not been around in years and it made me realize how important family is and how we need to take time to INVEST in one another, God choose your exact family members for some reason. I once read that sometimes the most unloveable family members are the ones that you need to love on the most. Not that any of these family members were unloveable but that thought just came to mind and I have learned when God puts something on my heart to share it is for a reason.
God was just as good to me on the way back, I sat next to a wonderful woman during the first flight which was during all the storms on Thursday so it was a little bumpy. I got into Memphis at 5:40 and my plane was delayed several times so it didn’t take off until 11:00PM that night. When we got on the tiny plane they made an announcement that the plane was to heavy to take off so they needed two volunteers to go to the back of the plane (I was so nervous after hearing that announcement) The woman next to me started talking and she was a Christian and led a Sunday school class of teenagers in her church. The flight was so peaceful as we talked about Christ the whole time.
I got into the airport and there were was my husband and my two boys with flowers waiting on me. I got back to work today and read all the prayer requests from my Sunday School class and my heart just aches for everyone. I am obviously devastated that my grandmother is gone and really haven’t grieved yet but at the same time I find it hard to be sad because I saw God’s fingerprints all over it every step of the way. There was so much more that took place during this past week that one day I will be able to share. I just felt the need to share this now to let everyone who is going through things right now know that God may not take away the tears or the sorrow but he is ALWAYS there and if you look hard enough you will find him in the hard times just like I did. I just pray for everyone what is going thru something in their lives right now that is a struggle that you will feel God’s peace and feel so peaceful that you are confused by it. I just want everyone to know that God is there and is always there you just have to listen and you will know he cares for you and he loves you.
God Bless you all.
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